What is sex without love and affection. Why would I want that.
The way you go about having a “conversation.” You don’t speak with me, you speak to me. You tell me what I did or should have done.
For example, I should have been more adventurous in sex.
But, getting back to my first point, your affection kept lacking. We didn’t make out. You never kissed me. No, Like really kiss me. A kiss like you are ravishing a goddess. Because that is who I am.
Our sex wasn’t only lacking. It was dis-affectionate. It was un-intimate. An affectionate touch is an erotic touch. Like Audre Lorde says, the erotic is a pellet of color you gently massage, it brings color to all parts of your life, even the parts you can’t touch.
Versus, a touch of conquest. A touch of exploitation. A hand that touches only that which is useful to it.
The point about waxing my kitty comes around. And how I wouldn’t “do it often enough.”
I’m sorry, I don’t want to look like pre-pubecent girl all the time. Sometimes, I like to see myself untamed. Wild and free like the amazon Jungle. Untouched by the hand of “modernity.” The hand that points to “progress.” The hand that strips the land of its trees, uprooting and destroying their wild nature.
And now, I don’t mind being smooth and dainty once in a while, if, it means you’ll kiss my kitty.
If it means you’ll put your tongue in places of pleasure.
If it meant you would spend more time eating my succulent throbbing cherry,
enjoying each bite, devouring it slowly like you never wanted it to end.
But you didn’t and you haven’t. It’s over. And I miss you.
But you know I tried. I did it your way, just not “often enough”. I’m sorry that I didn’t want to put hot wax on the most delicate and sensitive parts of my kitty, then get hair ripped off my skin “more often.”
And I’m sorry about the adventure-less sex. I just thought, some one who likes their jungles tamed, might like their sex that way too.
* * *
We only have control over our own actions and our own bodies. I get to decide what to do with my body and how often. When you love, you love all of a person. When you love, truly love, conditions do not exist. When you want show love you do it without a second thought. We all have preferences and compromising is sometimes necessary but it must be on both parts; benefits and loss must be had on both ends.
Let go, let go, let go. You only have control over your actions. You can only do your best and you can only hope that those around you recognize that. As long as your actions come from a place of love there is no need to worry. So let go, let go, let go, of anything and anyone that continually disturbs your peace.